if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
