For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
