Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
