the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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