i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
