I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
