I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize