it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
