hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
