Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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