We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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