He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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