I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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