everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
