Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
