So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize