Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
