weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
