at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
