lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
