Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize