That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
