I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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