I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Everclear isn't food dammit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
