burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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