I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize