dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
4 words: hood of his car
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
