guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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