so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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