So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
