why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
