This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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