she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
