So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize