I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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