I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
