so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
