When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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