I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
