I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
