There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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