but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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