This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
