I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize