I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
