Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
