...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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