Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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