U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize