I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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