i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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