apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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