Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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