The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
