it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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