Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
