my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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