i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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