so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize