I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
