I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
