Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize