just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
