he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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