I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
