i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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