a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Barsexuality is the new black.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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