So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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