3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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