im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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