I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
