Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize