she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
