So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
