Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this is an emotional support booty call
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
