There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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