She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize