Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
