So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
