idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just come out here and I will go home with you...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
