you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
