Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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