Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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