I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
