and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize