Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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