He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
