Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
