I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
