I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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