WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
