the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
