Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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