You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
