when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
