If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
