I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
