I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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