The maid of honor just puked.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
