I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
