dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
