would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
