i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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