Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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