he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
