I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
