So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
