8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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