she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's blow job season.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
