Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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