why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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