I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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