White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
