At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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