What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
