just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
MIDGETS
????
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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